Have you made a decision to lead a healthier lifestyle by eating better, exercising, or cutting out bad habits such as soda or cigarettes? Or perhaps you’ve decided it’s time to go after a dream or spend more time with loved ones. Congratulations! Here are three tips to get you to your desired goal:
1) Practice seeing yourself as the “chooser” instead of the victim”
You will undoubtedly be tempted to break your promise to yourself. When this happens, it will also be tempting to see yourself as a poor victim who is being deprived of life’s great comforts, as if someone else is punishing you.
This is how our poor little victim mentality may try to defend itself: “But I’ve had a long day at work and I’m tired! But someone was mean to me today and I deserve a treat! But everyone else is getting to enjoy their weekend and I’m working!” And so on. Resist that by reminding yourself that you are not the deprived, but the one who is doing the choosing.
Say to yourself: “I am choosing this for me because I have decided it’s best for me. It is my decision. I am doing this for me.” Repeat as needed.
2) Focus on making the best decison right this moment
If you think about never having another soda or cigarette or free weekend again, the thought will probably be overwhelming and unrealistic and make you want to quit your decision altogether.
Instead, focus on making the best decision right now.
It doesn’t mean you will never be able to go on a shopping spree again; you are just choosing to spend your money wisely right now. You are not trying never to smoke again; you are just choosing another way to relax right now. Deal with each moment as it comes.
3) Assess expectations of success
As you begin to take steps toward your goal, take a moment to first assess and define your expectations of both what you consider success and what it will take to get there. Then, redefine as needed.
We start out new projects with some preconceived ideas of how likely we are to achieve our goal, and how difficult the journey will be. Some of these expectations can be quite unrealistic. Often, we are not conscious of our own expectations until we hit a snag or the process turns out to be more difficult than what we subconsciously expected.
Chances are you feel good about your chances of succeeding at your goal, or you wouldn’t be making a change in the first place. Take a moment to assess whether you are expecting too much too soon, and whether you are prepared to handle unexpected detours and hardships without giving up prematurely.
Whenever I neglect to do this first assessment, I usually start out a new project confidently with a lot of optimism only to be sorely disappointed when the results don’t come as easily as I imagined. It helps then to remind myself that it’s normal to struggle when learning something new, and the journey is necessary and worth it.
It also helps to focus on concrete and achievable goals that keep you on the path to the big picture goal, so you can keep track of your progress and focus on what you can control.
On that note, here’s a bonus tip:
4) Remember that positive change is a process
It’s not just that positive change takes time. It may actually be never ending. Once we get to our end goal, it usually takes just as much effort to sustain it.
It’s not possible to be perfect all the time, or to get to a perfect goal and be done. That shouldn’t be the goal anyway; as Oscar Wilde has said, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Instead, focus on getting better and making your part of the world a better place, a little at a time.