For some time now, I have been interested in how people around the world express empathy and offer condolences around times of difficulty and death. What do people say to each other in different cultures when they want to offer support? What do they do? How do they grieve together? I believe that learning about how others reach out with empathy can inform our own expressions of support.
I am a native of Brazil, but have lived in the USA for all of my adult life. Recently I began to pay attention to how my Brazilian friends express empathy on social media, and how it may differ from the way we express it in the US. One thing I have noticed is that Brazilians are more likely than Americans to refer affectionately to the one they are supporting when noting their condolences. For instance, they may say, “I feel deeply, my friend,” or “Strength, my darling.” (This is not to say that Americans aren’t as affectionate – just that the expressions may differ a little).
Another thing that I find interesting is that the meaning of the Brazilian Portuguese equivalency of “my condolences” or “my sympathies” (“meus pêsames”). The word “pêsames” comes from the verb “pesar”, which means “to cause pain or disgust,” accompanied by the personal pronoun “me.” Taken literally, the word means that the situation at hand “causes me pain/disgust.” Another meaning of the verb “pesar” is “to weigh”, so perhaps the phrase can also be interpreted as “it weighs on me.” (These are my own conjectures; please forgive me, Brazilian/Portuguese literary friends, if I am way off base).
Brazilians, however, seem to be more fond of saying “my feelings” or “my profound feelings” as an expression of sympathy. Other common expressions of support include “Strength!” (which I assume is short for “may you have strength”), “May God comfort you and your family”, and, my favorite when translated, “I feel deeply” (for your pain, though this latter part is usually not said).
Like other Western cultures, Brazilian hold memorial services, decorate graves, and cry together when grieving a death. Hugs and kisses are very much a part of Brazilian culture, and become even more important when expressing support.
Since coming to live in the South of the United States, I have come to experience, appreciate and participate in the ritual of providing meals for friends and family who are hurting, sick/recovering, or going through a difficult time. It is such a thoughtful and caring expression of support that is both comforting and practical. I remember that when I had my first baby, my mother who was visiting from Brazil remarked about the thoughtfulness of so many caring friends who provided me and my family with homemade and delicious meals.
What are some common or unique ways of expressing empathy in your culture? What have been some helpful and unhelpful ways others have expressed empathy to you? Leave me a comment below!