For the past several days, I have been more consistent with my prayer and meditation practice. I put it on my calendar daily, so it’s more likely that I’ll attend to it. Then, when I’m ready, I set a timer for 21 minutes on my phone. I spend the first minute settling down into my seat and offering an opening prayer of need and intention.
Lately I’ve been praying to let go of my need to perform and/or use my prayer/meditation as a means to something rather than an end in itself. There are lots of benefits to a regular meditation practice, which anyone can find with a simple google search. Those are great reasons to meditate, but it’s not the only reason I do it. I approach it as time with God, which is valuable in and of itself. I also need help reminding myself of that, because I tend to fall to the pressure of being productive (any other enneagram type threes out there?!).
For the remaining 20 minutes, I sit quietly in contemplative prayer or meditation. I use the terms interchangeably here because the practice is essentially the same. However, in contemplative prayer, our meditation is focused in the presence of God, or Spirit — an Other who is the source of life.
”Meditation” is often understood to be associated only with Buddhist and Hindu traditions, but in reality, meditative or contemplative practices have long been a part of Judeo-Christian traditions as well. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the Enlightenment and its emphasis on rational thought, is that contemplative practices have become neglected in Western Christianity.
Many classic and contemporary Christian writings describe contemplative practices. Once, journalist Dan Rather asked Mother Teresa what she said in her prayers. “I mostly listen,” she said. So he asked her, “Then what does God say to you?” “He also mostly listens,” she said.
In my prayer/meditation, thoughts come and go: to-do lists, ideas for a project, questions for which I need answers. Each time, I let the thoughts go and re-focus my mind on contemplation or simply being. Being in the presence of God.
Sometimes, the 20 minutes pass quickly, and sometimes the time drags on. The other day, I finally opened my eyes and stared at my watch because I felt sure it had been well over 20 minutes! What if I didn’t set my alarm right? What if I’ve been meditating for an hour?! (There were 30 seconds left on the clock.)
Today, while thoughts were coming and going as usual, I had an awe-some thought:
God is here.
God is here.
As in, right here.
As close as my breath. Spending time with me.
For a moment, my attention was raptured. For a moment, I felt like I was gazing into the eyes of the Beloved.
Years ago, I read about an experiment that created the right environment for people to fall in love, or develop an attachment. The experiment included 36 questions crafted to create intimacy, as well as gazing into each others’ eyes for four minutes. When a writer recreated this experiment, she found the experience of gazing into someone else’s eyes unexpected:
I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. […] I felt brave, and in a state of wonder.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html
God is here.
Right here.
Seeing me.
It’s terrifying, and awesome.
Hence monastic prayer, especially meditation and contemplative prayer, is not so much a way to find God as a way of resting in him whom we have found, who loves us, who is near to us, who comes to us to draw us to himself.
Thomas Merton, Contemplative Prayer
If you would like to begin a contemplative practice, you can start with this Guided Contemplative Prayer.